You Ruined It

Like so many others, I enjoyed watching the story about the friendship between A.J. McCarron and A.J. Starr this week. But then you ruined it for me.  Ruined it with your posts on facebook and your comments that A.J. McCarron was selfless and such a good human being and a hero.  Ruined it how you ruin it when I talk about my son and you give me sad eyes or a sympathetic head tilt.  Ruined it how when I tell you about my son you apologize.  For what? My son is a badass.  You ruined it how you make me feel like I am lying when you ask about my kids and I haven't clarified that one of my kids has Cerebral Palsy, because to you that matters.  You ruined it.

Then I realized we watched two different stories, and I wanted to let you in on mine.  I watched a story of hope about a kid (when did I start to refer to college aged as kids?! #30problems) who found his place.  I could relate, I remember when I was struggling to find my place in college and it took me years to feel like I fit in.  It made me feel hope for Gominic, that there were people out there that would value him for him and he could find his group where he was just one of the guys.

I was happy, but then you ruined it.  You reminded me that from the outside looking in, you viewed this relationship as a sacrifice and charity and not that these two could be equals.  Because of course if you have a disability, you can never be equals.

This is not ok.  Why do we continually try to exclude groups of people?  Have we not moved past the racism of the 60's?  Haven't we just replaced those with infringements on gay rights? Do you really think using the word Retarded is any different than using the N-word?  If that word is still in your vocabulary for any other reason than "flame-retardant", then we simply cannot be friends.  If you don't think that in 40+ years our generation will be the old people in nursing homes whose grandchildren are making excuses for our homophobic and bigoted comments, "they grew up in a different time", then you better check yourself.  We are all equals, and it is time we started treating each other as such.

Put yourself in my shoes.  What do you want for your kid?  I am guessing not charity friendships.  You all are raising Gominic's peers.  I need you to help me create the world I want for my son.  Please don't teach your kids that they should be nice to kids like Gominic.  Teach them that my son has value.  Teach them that he is equal and worthy of friendship.  He is not to be pitied.  He has a wonderful life and more love and privilege than most.

After Shailen's awareness post, a friend commented about a story from her childhood when she saw a differently abled girl using crutches at church.  Her mother noticed her looking at the girl sadly and asked why, "Because I feel sorry for her". The mom replied, "There is no need to feel sorry for her. She is walking just like you.  She has friends just like you.  She is loved by Jesus, just like you.  Should we feel sorry for you?"  That mom gets it.

Don't let your kids become another obstacle my son has to overcome.  He has enough to conquer on his own.  Let's just all be people together.  And for goodness sake, stop with all the sympathetic head-tilting.