warning: i've been listening to a lot of rap lately, and the following post might reflect it.
Dear PMG,
F*** you.
And i dont mean that in an mean way, i dont mean that in an angry way, i mean that in a dismissive way. I mean that in an openly defiant way. I mean that in a way to say that although i might not be done with you, I will no longer be shrouded in a cloud of sadness and uncertainty because of you.
F*** you.
For the past week you've robbed my family of our normal light hearted, care free attitude towards parenting that sometimes borders on negligent (2 year old wants cheetos for dinner? #YOLO!). we've been down. we've been reading. we've been obsessed. we've been frustrated that no one, including brilliant doctors can give us answers about what you are about and what you might do. We've been as down as we've ever been. But as of 6:35 on Wednesday, April 3 2013, twisty and poppa decided to be happy. we decided to be happy not inspite of what's going on, but to take joy in our lives. if you, PMG, are to be a part of our world, that's fine. but you will not make us sad. you will not rob us of the joy of raising two beautiful children. we will not worry about tomorrow, and instead we will rejoice in today.
F*** you. We're in charge.
My beautiful gommy agrees with this new sentiment...and perhaps he was the first to raise his middle finger at you. Over and over again we've been told that his activities, his spirit, his nature does not line up with what folks who have to deal with you are doing. My son is overcoming you on a daily basis. You have not brought him down, and now it's time for mom and dad to follow suit.
Does this mean we will not get sad? No. There will still be up days and down days, but you will not and i repeat WILL NOT take over all of the mental and emotional energy that twisty and poppa have. We refuse. We will conquer you with an indomitable spirit. We will work around you. We will work through you. But more than anything, we refuse to accept the notion we should be sad because of you. No longer. We gave you a week. That's all you get.
F*** you.
This is a marathon and not a sprint. We are geared up. We are fired up. We are focused and committed to loving our children more, and being happy...and instilling that sense of joy about all of God's gifts in our kids. Nothing, not even you, can stop that.
In the song "a milli" lil wayne says "ok you a goon...but what's a goon to a goblin". basically saying sure you're a goon. you're a bad intimidating guy. but that's nothing to who i am. goons should be afraid of goblins.
So i say the same to you PMG. ok...you a goon. but what's a goon to a goblin?
Twisty, Poppa, Gommy, and Tooties are all goblins. Bring it. We in this thing now.
Thursday, April 4, 2013
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
it's been one week...
i have no idea why i've used lyrics from 90s music for both of my blog posts, but we'll go with it.
as the title says, it's been one week since receiving word about gommy's PMG. a week ago at this time we were in the MRI room hoping that he wouldnt wake up during the scan. the week since has been filled with lots of prayer, some tears, conversation with family and a lot of research.
based on that research we know that epilepsy/seizure activity is likely, as are physical impairments. that's the baseline right now. we found that 60% of kids have perisylvian PMG...meaning the PMG affects the perisylvian region of the brain...and after doing more research the perisylvian region is the area around the sylvian fissure, which connects the frontal and temporal lobe (apologies to any real doctors out there reading this). perisylvian PMG typically comes with feeding issues, which in turn can lead to speech delays...but as far as we know now our little fatty pants dominic has no issues feeding...so i think we might be in the clear there. we meet with our pediatrician tomorrow, so i'm sure he'll be able to give us more information on what all we need to be thinking about.
it's hard to rely on statistics, but based on the journal articles we're reading, i think we can fairly certainly say that gommy will have seizure activity, physical impairments, and perhaps learning disabilities.
last night the wife and i were going to bed and just before falling asleep i had a terrifying realization...i rolled over and whispered. "we have no idea what to do if gommy has a seizure"...to which she replied "you're right, we need to ask our pedi about that".
that was it for sleeping right there...fortunately the wife couldnt sleep either, so we went out into the living room and finished a bottle of wine while laughing about the terrible finale of walking dead and other random things from the day. for the first time in a week, sleep came easy after that.
i feel ok. i'm on an emotional roller coaster. there are days where i'm up as up can be and the next day i'm just kind of meh. i'm ready for it to norm out a bit.
this past weekend we visited twisty's parents...and we went for a run around her block...about 3 miles. on that run we realized something we already knew...that our life's purpose is to be parents to our two beautiful children...and that all this does is make us want to parent harder. to love deeper. to be more committed to what we are about. our true north lies in our children and in each other, and perhaps the gift from all of this is the opportunity to never take parenting for granted, or to get bored with the process.
speaking of our two beautiful children, i cannot even tell you how good of a big brother tooties is to gommy. we've made a concerted effort over the past two days to have them interact more--the best therapy gommy can receive is interaction with his older brother. and my goodness his older brother has taken that role on with zeal and enthusiasm. from pouring water on gommy in the bath, to interacting with him while gommy's in his excersaucer, to teaching gommy how to say "ba-ba-ba"...to this morning tooties teaching gommy what a lion says, and what a cow says, etc. i wish i had an older brother like vincent. those two...well. they're a match made in heaven. literally.
i've come along way since last wednesday. i'm sure next week will be even better than this week. and so on and so forth. life will settle down and we'll get into a routine soon enough.
as the title says, it's been one week since receiving word about gommy's PMG. a week ago at this time we were in the MRI room hoping that he wouldnt wake up during the scan. the week since has been filled with lots of prayer, some tears, conversation with family and a lot of research.
based on that research we know that epilepsy/seizure activity is likely, as are physical impairments. that's the baseline right now. we found that 60% of kids have perisylvian PMG...meaning the PMG affects the perisylvian region of the brain...and after doing more research the perisylvian region is the area around the sylvian fissure, which connects the frontal and temporal lobe (apologies to any real doctors out there reading this). perisylvian PMG typically comes with feeding issues, which in turn can lead to speech delays...but as far as we know now our little fatty pants dominic has no issues feeding...so i think we might be in the clear there. we meet with our pediatrician tomorrow, so i'm sure he'll be able to give us more information on what all we need to be thinking about.
it's hard to rely on statistics, but based on the journal articles we're reading, i think we can fairly certainly say that gommy will have seizure activity, physical impairments, and perhaps learning disabilities.
last night the wife and i were going to bed and just before falling asleep i had a terrifying realization...i rolled over and whispered. "we have no idea what to do if gommy has a seizure"...to which she replied "you're right, we need to ask our pedi about that".
that was it for sleeping right there...fortunately the wife couldnt sleep either, so we went out into the living room and finished a bottle of wine while laughing about the terrible finale of walking dead and other random things from the day. for the first time in a week, sleep came easy after that.
i feel ok. i'm on an emotional roller coaster. there are days where i'm up as up can be and the next day i'm just kind of meh. i'm ready for it to norm out a bit.
this past weekend we visited twisty's parents...and we went for a run around her block...about 3 miles. on that run we realized something we already knew...that our life's purpose is to be parents to our two beautiful children...and that all this does is make us want to parent harder. to love deeper. to be more committed to what we are about. our true north lies in our children and in each other, and perhaps the gift from all of this is the opportunity to never take parenting for granted, or to get bored with the process.
speaking of our two beautiful children, i cannot even tell you how good of a big brother tooties is to gommy. we've made a concerted effort over the past two days to have them interact more--the best therapy gommy can receive is interaction with his older brother. and my goodness his older brother has taken that role on with zeal and enthusiasm. from pouring water on gommy in the bath, to interacting with him while gommy's in his excersaucer, to teaching gommy how to say "ba-ba-ba"...to this morning tooties teaching gommy what a lion says, and what a cow says, etc. i wish i had an older brother like vincent. those two...well. they're a match made in heaven. literally.
i've come along way since last wednesday. i'm sure next week will be even better than this week. and so on and so forth. life will settle down and we'll get into a routine soon enough.
Saturday, March 30, 2013
And so it is...
Life goes easy on me...most of the time.
I don't even really know where to start. My feelings are all over the place depending on when you talk to me. Sometimes I think Gommy is going to grow up the same as other kids do. Sometimes I think that is me being in denial, others that its just me being positive. No one tells you how to feel in this situation. I don't think there is anything that I have done in my life that I haven't watched someone else do before me. Think about it, having kids is something that most people are nervous or scared about. You have likely watched someone (and everyone) do it for twenty something years before you even attempt it for yourself. I am going to do something that I have never watched anyone do before me. Part of me is proud of that. Part of me feels special. Part of me feels chosen. Part of me feels lonely. I just joined the most exclusive club that nobody wants to join. I am a special needs mom.
There are some things that I feel are necessary to add to Poppa's post. They are the scariest things that anyone has said to me, and I think it is important to disclose what our sweet Gommy is facing. Only so that he gets the credit he deserves when he overcomes all that he will, whatever that looks like.
Our neurologist said he will have physical limitations, he may have "mental retardation" (which is an ugly word I chose to never use again), and possibly seizures. He called the damage and the abnormalities "substantial". He told us he did not know if Gommy would be able to live a normal life. He did give us some hope however, he said that looking at Gommy, he did not match up with his MRI scans. I chose to take that as what Gommy has already accomplished is miraculous. What he continues to accomplish will be even more miraculous.
Its funny, because Gommy appears to be very intelligent at this point, but only time will tell what his special little brain is truly capable of. I truly believe that Gommy will continue to amaze us. He sat up for about 30 seconds at a time today completely unassisted! At this point, he has not actually missed any milestones, he is just not as strong at his skills as your average baby. He has two wonderful therapists and a chiropractor already. So far every concern that we have had, he has been able to overcome in a couple of weeks. He is truly an amazing person and the happiest baby you will ever meet. I cannot even begin to describe the joy this little man has already brought into our lives.
One of the things Poppa said to me soon after we found out, was that everyone has something to overcome. His example was that he had extreme nearsightedness. My example was that some people are ugly. I have always said that I am raising my boys to be good looking, so they can always get what they want out of life. That hasn't changed.
When God chose me to be part of this higher calling, I hope He knew what He was getting in to.
I don't even really know where to start. My feelings are all over the place depending on when you talk to me. Sometimes I think Gommy is going to grow up the same as other kids do. Sometimes I think that is me being in denial, others that its just me being positive. No one tells you how to feel in this situation. I don't think there is anything that I have done in my life that I haven't watched someone else do before me. Think about it, having kids is something that most people are nervous or scared about. You have likely watched someone (and everyone) do it for twenty something years before you even attempt it for yourself. I am going to do something that I have never watched anyone do before me. Part of me is proud of that. Part of me feels special. Part of me feels chosen. Part of me feels lonely. I just joined the most exclusive club that nobody wants to join. I am a special needs mom.
There are some things that I feel are necessary to add to Poppa's post. They are the scariest things that anyone has said to me, and I think it is important to disclose what our sweet Gommy is facing. Only so that he gets the credit he deserves when he overcomes all that he will, whatever that looks like.
Our neurologist said he will have physical limitations, he may have "mental retardation" (which is an ugly word I chose to never use again), and possibly seizures. He called the damage and the abnormalities "substantial". He told us he did not know if Gommy would be able to live a normal life. He did give us some hope however, he said that looking at Gommy, he did not match up with his MRI scans. I chose to take that as what Gommy has already accomplished is miraculous. What he continues to accomplish will be even more miraculous.
Its funny, because Gommy appears to be very intelligent at this point, but only time will tell what his special little brain is truly capable of. I truly believe that Gommy will continue to amaze us. He sat up for about 30 seconds at a time today completely unassisted! At this point, he has not actually missed any milestones, he is just not as strong at his skills as your average baby. He has two wonderful therapists and a chiropractor already. So far every concern that we have had, he has been able to overcome in a couple of weeks. He is truly an amazing person and the happiest baby you will ever meet. I cannot even begin to describe the joy this little man has already brought into our lives.
One of the things Poppa said to me soon after we found out, was that everyone has something to overcome. His example was that he had extreme nearsightedness. My example was that some people are ugly. I have always said that I am raising my boys to be good looking, so they can always get what they want out of life. That hasn't changed.
When God chose me to be part of this higher calling, I hope He knew what He was getting in to.
Friday, March 29, 2013
you down with PMG?
yeah you know me. (shout out to all of my naughty by nature fans--i promise that title will make sense as you read)
to preface this posting...dominic has many nicknames, so you'll hear a few ways of referring to him over the course of this post. dommy, dom, dommy football and gommy (what his brother calls him) among others.
dommy has always been tight. since birth. he's looked to his right and held his arms and legs close to him. we thought it was just how babies are...that it was no big deal...but worth exploration with our doctor at some point.
so in december we went to go see our pediatrician, who, even before we mentioned what was going on, noticed dominic's head turning and also indicated that dommy had some plagiocephaly (asymmetrical skull) as a result of his torticollis (tightened neck muscle causing him to turn to the right). he told us that we needed to go see a cranial band specialist, and start considering physical therapy to help gommy loosen up that neck.
cant deny it. this stressed twisty and poppa out. but in hindsight, that was really nothing.
so after consulting with insurance folks we set up appointments with cranial technologies in austin to get fitted for a cranial band...and we had one appointment with a PT here in town...and the appointment didnt really amount to much. i dont think she was too familiar with working with babies, and she basically just taught us a few excercises we could do on our own to help loosen dommy football's neck.
so after the initial meeting with the folks at cranial technologies, we went back to austin for his actual fitting...gotta say those folks there are incredibly nice and very much suited for their jobs. they gave us a clinical looking white plastic helmet (which for those of you who are friends with us on facebook know that my wife shaped into many incredible forms) and told us to come back once a week.
yup. every friday we drove to austin for a 40 minute appointment. for 8 weeks. God bless twisty's mom who was able to help us out with that.
they also recommended that we set an appointment with early childhood intervention (ECI) to get physical and occupational therapy based on gommy's tightness. again...through this process God has brought so many wonderful people into our lives, and the ECI folks are just another group of wonderfully nice people. Harriet, our case manager, has been just the nicest person...cant even begin to describe.
So anyways, once a week we were in austin, and another time during the week we were either doing PT or OT. our PT/OT folks talked about how much progress dommy was making, but they kept mentioning how tight he was and that it might be something we needed to consult a neurologist about. The way twisty and i work is that we flow all of our information through our pediatrician...so we set up an appointment with him to talk about it.
side note--dommy has tight days and loose days...and typically his tight days are days that he goes to the doctor--go figure.
anyways...on that particular day gommy was tight...and our doctor noticed. he said that it was concerning but wanted to meet with us in about 6 weeks to see if the PT had any affect and we'd go from there. somewhat alarming, but ok by us.
poppa got to work and got a phone call from our pedi at 11 am (which by the way is awesome that he'd do that for us) indicating that the pedi had thought about it more and wanted us to set up an appointment with a neurologist sooner rather than later to be safe. he gave us a referral to a doctor in austin and told us to set up an appointment.
God has been everywhere through all of this. Pedi neurologists are a pain in the ass to get an appointment with. Poppa called wednesday and it turns out that the neuro in austin had a cancellation on monday...so instead of having to wait the normal three weeks for an appointment, we waited three days...we were even able to make a long weekend out of it because of gommy's band appointment on friday. God. is. everywhere.
so we went to that appointment, and really it wasnt much. the doctor's impressions were based on our observations...that gommy prefered his right arm to his left...that he was tight...that he was a bit behind with sitting up and rolling over. the pedi neuro said that it's likely that something is causing this, but that if it were to be severe it would already be severe. he recommended that we get an MRI.
so more scheduling. three weeks away. but fortunately our neuro folks were able to get us an MRI in the morning and a consultation appointment in the afternoon which saved us 1) from making two trips to austin and 2) the heartache of fretting over the results for too long.
today is friday. the appointment happened on tuesday.
monday afternoon we drove to twisty's sister's house and stayed the night and enjoyed a wonderful chinese dinner. we woke up bright and early and went to the MRI place. the MRI was a bit of an adventure because they didnt really want to listen to us about our kids sleeping habits...but we got it figured out (even though dommy woke up in the 19th minute of a 20 minute scan--terrifying for poppa...but when it comes to his kids poppa gets terrified very easily). so after the scan we went back to twisty's sister's house and hung out before going to meet with the neuro.
i should say that going into this appointment well we had no idea what to expect. we thought physical delays were probable, but that's about it.
we went in to the appointment at 3 (our appt wasnt until 4, but they were going to try and work us in)...and to their credit they worked us in at 3:15. the doctor came in and told us that he'd gone over the scans, and that dommy had Polymicrogyria...a rare brain condition where the brain didnt develop properly...and instead of a few thick folds in the white matter, dommy's brain has many small folds. we went to his office to look at the films, and twisty peppered him with questions while poppa kind of just sat there. the gist of what he told us was:
1) physical delays are probable and that he'd likely be right handed (which is great because left handed folks are a little weird)
2) cognitive delays are possible
3) the scans dont match up with what dommy is doing...meaning dommy is ahead of the curve.
so after that we had to drive back to austin to pick little tooties (gommy's brother) and then head back home. the positive thing was that immediately after getting home we had to settle into the panic/intense routine of getting them fed, bathed, and to bed...and then after that was done...the silence hit.
silence is a bad thing. lack of business gives you time to think, to be sad, to fret, to worry. all that. maybe that's a good thing...maybe i'm just tired of it.
the next day (wednesday) at work for me was spent getting my PhD in infant neurology from google university. i'd read through scholarly documents and use google to find out what the hell they were saying...and it actually worked. what we found out was that PMG is a rare disorder and really no one knows much about it. there are folks who have severe cases who are performing just fine and others who have more mild cases that have significant developmental delays. there were more than a few breakdowns that day...which is to be expected i suppose.
that evening after the rush of getting the kids played with and to bed and fed and bathed (not in that order because that would be chaos) twisty and poppa sat back and let the glory of facebook do its work. we reached out to three different support groups and got in contact with parens of kids with PMG, college students with PMG and even a 30 something year old mom with PMG...and what we realized was that things were going to be ok. the term ok is yet to be defined, but it's all going to be ok.
thursday was a better day at work...for those of you who dont know i teach a class and i couldnt really get through the regular bullshit of teaching about stuff, so i decided to teach my students about clarity of values...because above all the fact that poppa and twisty know that their family is the single most important thing in the world--well it helped us navigate through our multiple options. so in class we talked about values, and living according to them...and i was quite open about where this was coming from.
after class was over one student walked back and asked if he could pray with me for my son. and as much as i'm tearing up thinking about that now, i broke down when he said that. we prayed. and again i was overcome by the beauty of random people. people do care. they do.
so now it's friday, and twisty and i have landed at a good place, which i'll detail out in the next post. in the mean time, i wanted to get this history down on paper before i forget it.
1) God makes no mistakes and 2) God never gives you more than you can handle. God's got more faith in me than i have right now. but if He brings you to it He'll bring you through it.
to preface this posting...dominic has many nicknames, so you'll hear a few ways of referring to him over the course of this post. dommy, dom, dommy football and gommy (what his brother calls him) among others.
dommy has always been tight. since birth. he's looked to his right and held his arms and legs close to him. we thought it was just how babies are...that it was no big deal...but worth exploration with our doctor at some point.
so in december we went to go see our pediatrician, who, even before we mentioned what was going on, noticed dominic's head turning and also indicated that dommy had some plagiocephaly (asymmetrical skull) as a result of his torticollis (tightened neck muscle causing him to turn to the right). he told us that we needed to go see a cranial band specialist, and start considering physical therapy to help gommy loosen up that neck.
cant deny it. this stressed twisty and poppa out. but in hindsight, that was really nothing.
so after consulting with insurance folks we set up appointments with cranial technologies in austin to get fitted for a cranial band...and we had one appointment with a PT here in town...and the appointment didnt really amount to much. i dont think she was too familiar with working with babies, and she basically just taught us a few excercises we could do on our own to help loosen dommy football's neck.
so after the initial meeting with the folks at cranial technologies, we went back to austin for his actual fitting...gotta say those folks there are incredibly nice and very much suited for their jobs. they gave us a clinical looking white plastic helmet (which for those of you who are friends with us on facebook know that my wife shaped into many incredible forms) and told us to come back once a week.
yup. every friday we drove to austin for a 40 minute appointment. for 8 weeks. God bless twisty's mom who was able to help us out with that.
they also recommended that we set an appointment with early childhood intervention (ECI) to get physical and occupational therapy based on gommy's tightness. again...through this process God has brought so many wonderful people into our lives, and the ECI folks are just another group of wonderfully nice people. Harriet, our case manager, has been just the nicest person...cant even begin to describe.
So anyways, once a week we were in austin, and another time during the week we were either doing PT or OT. our PT/OT folks talked about how much progress dommy was making, but they kept mentioning how tight he was and that it might be something we needed to consult a neurologist about. The way twisty and i work is that we flow all of our information through our pediatrician...so we set up an appointment with him to talk about it.
side note--dommy has tight days and loose days...and typically his tight days are days that he goes to the doctor--go figure.
anyways...on that particular day gommy was tight...and our doctor noticed. he said that it was concerning but wanted to meet with us in about 6 weeks to see if the PT had any affect and we'd go from there. somewhat alarming, but ok by us.
poppa got to work and got a phone call from our pedi at 11 am (which by the way is awesome that he'd do that for us) indicating that the pedi had thought about it more and wanted us to set up an appointment with a neurologist sooner rather than later to be safe. he gave us a referral to a doctor in austin and told us to set up an appointment.
God has been everywhere through all of this. Pedi neurologists are a pain in the ass to get an appointment with. Poppa called wednesday and it turns out that the neuro in austin had a cancellation on monday...so instead of having to wait the normal three weeks for an appointment, we waited three days...we were even able to make a long weekend out of it because of gommy's band appointment on friday. God. is. everywhere.
so we went to that appointment, and really it wasnt much. the doctor's impressions were based on our observations...that gommy prefered his right arm to his left...that he was tight...that he was a bit behind with sitting up and rolling over. the pedi neuro said that it's likely that something is causing this, but that if it were to be severe it would already be severe. he recommended that we get an MRI.
so more scheduling. three weeks away. but fortunately our neuro folks were able to get us an MRI in the morning and a consultation appointment in the afternoon which saved us 1) from making two trips to austin and 2) the heartache of fretting over the results for too long.
today is friday. the appointment happened on tuesday.
monday afternoon we drove to twisty's sister's house and stayed the night and enjoyed a wonderful chinese dinner. we woke up bright and early and went to the MRI place. the MRI was a bit of an adventure because they didnt really want to listen to us about our kids sleeping habits...but we got it figured out (even though dommy woke up in the 19th minute of a 20 minute scan--terrifying for poppa...but when it comes to his kids poppa gets terrified very easily). so after the scan we went back to twisty's sister's house and hung out before going to meet with the neuro.
i should say that going into this appointment well we had no idea what to expect. we thought physical delays were probable, but that's about it.
we went in to the appointment at 3 (our appt wasnt until 4, but they were going to try and work us in)...and to their credit they worked us in at 3:15. the doctor came in and told us that he'd gone over the scans, and that dommy had Polymicrogyria...a rare brain condition where the brain didnt develop properly...and instead of a few thick folds in the white matter, dommy's brain has many small folds. we went to his office to look at the films, and twisty peppered him with questions while poppa kind of just sat there. the gist of what he told us was:
1) physical delays are probable and that he'd likely be right handed (which is great because left handed folks are a little weird)
2) cognitive delays are possible
3) the scans dont match up with what dommy is doing...meaning dommy is ahead of the curve.
so after that we had to drive back to austin to pick little tooties (gommy's brother) and then head back home. the positive thing was that immediately after getting home we had to settle into the panic/intense routine of getting them fed, bathed, and to bed...and then after that was done...the silence hit.
silence is a bad thing. lack of business gives you time to think, to be sad, to fret, to worry. all that. maybe that's a good thing...maybe i'm just tired of it.
the next day (wednesday) at work for me was spent getting my PhD in infant neurology from google university. i'd read through scholarly documents and use google to find out what the hell they were saying...and it actually worked. what we found out was that PMG is a rare disorder and really no one knows much about it. there are folks who have severe cases who are performing just fine and others who have more mild cases that have significant developmental delays. there were more than a few breakdowns that day...which is to be expected i suppose.
that evening after the rush of getting the kids played with and to bed and fed and bathed (not in that order because that would be chaos) twisty and poppa sat back and let the glory of facebook do its work. we reached out to three different support groups and got in contact with parens of kids with PMG, college students with PMG and even a 30 something year old mom with PMG...and what we realized was that things were going to be ok. the term ok is yet to be defined, but it's all going to be ok.
thursday was a better day at work...for those of you who dont know i teach a class and i couldnt really get through the regular bullshit of teaching about stuff, so i decided to teach my students about clarity of values...because above all the fact that poppa and twisty know that their family is the single most important thing in the world--well it helped us navigate through our multiple options. so in class we talked about values, and living according to them...and i was quite open about where this was coming from.
after class was over one student walked back and asked if he could pray with me for my son. and as much as i'm tearing up thinking about that now, i broke down when he said that. we prayed. and again i was overcome by the beauty of random people. people do care. they do.
so now it's friday, and twisty and i have landed at a good place, which i'll detail out in the next post. in the mean time, i wanted to get this history down on paper before i forget it.
1) God makes no mistakes and 2) God never gives you more than you can handle. God's got more faith in me than i have right now. but if He brings you to it He'll bring you through it.
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