A two parter

Two parts to this blog. Neither one of them overly long, and neither one overly important. But two parts. Two movements if you will. This wont be an overly impressive entry, fyi.

Movement I: Interpreting the Messages

I've never been one to think that God speaks directly to me. I think that God's speaking all around us and we interpret the messages based on our personalities (which are divinely ordained). So when D heard the "when I die young" song, I don't think it was God talking directly to her or effing with her (although the Divine can be snarky at times), but rather I think that God got a kick out of how she interpreted it, and it just happened to be the thing that she needed in that moment.

This year I've been living by a quote by Kirkegaard, "The function of prayer is not to influence God but rather to change the nature of the one who prays". Stuff is going to happen and it's my job to interpret it using the innate abilities that God gave me

Movement II: The message

So at the tail end of the no good very bad rotten week that we had where we were sad for no reason whatsoever, I heard a song that I've heard quite often...but I heard it as if I was hearing it for the first time. Here it is:

Below are the lyrics:

"Hold on, to me as we go
As we roll down this unfamiliar road
And although this wave (wave) is stringing us along
Just know you're not alone
Cause I'm gonna make this place your home

Settle down, it'll all be clear
Don't pay no mind to the demons
They fill you with fear
The trouble it might drag you down
You've get lost, you've can always be found

Just know you're not alone
Cause I'm gonna make this place your home"

Did God somehow plan for that song to come on in that moment on Pandora just for me? I dont think so. But God did help me to hear it for the first time...and the message was something I needed. 

Being a special needs parent is my home. It is my comfort zone. It's what's natural to me, which is why being sad is just silly given how much I prayed for that child to come into our lives. Being said will happen on occasion, sure, but the fact is that my goodness there is so damn much to be happy about when it comes to my home. There's so much joy, there's so much laughter, there's so much activity and busy-ness...and moments of sadness take me away from those. Sadness is a valid emotion, and it's ok to feel sometimes, but there's so so much beauty in our every day reality that no amount of sadness can overcome. 

So yeah, in that moment the trouble it did drag me down. And I was lost but, I did end up being found. 

And in the future I will do a better job to pay no mind to the demons...because all they do is bring me down and waste my time. Life is too damn good to be brought down by silly thoughts. This is my home and I wouldn't change it for anything