Today I feel negative.
Today I was told my son may not walk.
Today we went to Seattle.
Today we saw an expert.
Today I felt excited to see him.
Today I thought he might change my world.
Today he did.
Today he told me that my son will at best be mildly mentally disabled.
Today I cried.
Today he told me that my son's microcephaly would follow the same curve and not get worse.
Even today I am vain enough to be thankful that he will retain his good looks.
Today my world was destroyed once again.
Today we got a worse diagnosis than the first.
Today I felt disbelief.
Today I choose to ignore most of what I have been told.
Today I heard someone talk about my son's life expectancy.
Today I choose to ignore him.
Today I wonder about my other son.
Today I wonder what type of a relationship he will have with his brother.
Today I wonder if I should give them another sibling.
Today I wonder what happens when I'm gone.
Today I will live forever.
Today I wonder if its all bullshit.
Today I know my Gommy.
Maybe today this doctor didn't know shit.
Today I realize I may not be the supermom I thought I was.
Today I cried.
Today Gommy skipped a nap.
Today I wonder what would have happened if he saw Gommy on a good day or a normal one.
Today I wonder if my son will be able to talk.
Today I saw kids living the future of my son. I'm just not sure which ones they were.
Today my world was crushed.
Today I feel sad.
Today I feel overwhelmed.
But today I wouldn't change Gominic for the world.
Tomorrow I start over.
Tomorrow I forget today happened.
Tomorrow I enjoy my son.
Tomorrow I'll be supermom again.
Tomorrow is different.
Tomorrow is Gommy's.
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Twisty - I'm thinking of you. I feel like I've been a crappy friend, but last time I talked to you I hung up the phone thinking that I probably said all the wrong things while trying to say the right ones. I feel like I should call you often but I don't because I can't imagine how busy you are and how packed your day is. Crappy excuse for not calling though right? But i'd love to grab lunch, or dinner. We can talk about your little nuggets, or if you don't want to that is okay. Or if you do it's great. Or if you don't it's great. Or if you do it's great. See how clueless I am? But whatever you want to do, lunch or dinner or a pedi would be great. And PS I think you are really awesome and I think I'd be doing everything you are doing if I were in your shoes - trying EVERYTHING and taking it a day at a time with positivity.
ReplyDeleteHa! You can never say the wrong thing! I always know you care. Lets plan on getting together soon, either with the kids or dinner or pedi. I'm up for whatever.
DeleteReading this I know you're the supermom you might not think you are. Promise. You're Gominics #1 fighter, believer and supporter...aka Supermom. At the end of the day, trust your instincts. You know your son the best and lets be honest, a nap is a game changer :)
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